Sorta Fairytales 3 of 3

Addicted to Heroine


It's almost pathetic how Mia still can't get over her first love. And to this day her great love. Because it was indeed a sorta fairytale.

In her 23 years of abstinence from romance, she had looked forward to that earth-shattering day when she'll meet a lovely princess who will teach her more than the tricks of fire. Someone who will give meaning to everything she fought for, to the giggles and butterflies in her stomach when she is smitten.

And she saw her heroine, she mustered all the confidence she had for this one. Fair-skinned, towering at 5'9", ramp-modeled for sometime, smart, even her accent alone is enough to make anyone come. Closer. She was every lesbian's dream--yes, even the pretty ones. Her anxiety level rose but nothing could stop her, not even herself.

Mia being the wuss that she is, tried her best at what could only be described as acceptable flirting. It worked! 2 months later they went on their first date. Mia was the happiest dork on earth.

She dolled herself up. Sprayed on some cheap cologne and prepared herself for actual flirting. She was a bum then, and the heroine knew about it, but that date--Mia was too proud for treats on a first date, so she borrowed some money from her dad.

Mia waited for an hour inside that bar. After half-a-bottle of beer, she saw an image who walked passed by the glass door, and she told herself, "I'll do whatever it takes to make her fall in-love with me". 

"Kamusta, kumain ka na"
"Huh? Nagtatagalog ka?!!"  
"Rarely, but yes".

After five beers, they both found themselves slightly intoxicated. The heroine ran her fingers through Mia's hair and they talked some more. They left the bar and headed to a tapsihan. After a nice meal, they sat on a gutter and cuddled. In the dark the world is never judgmental.

The next day, they were officially a couple.

For months it was beautiful, she was everything Mia hoped for. For months they enjoyed each other's company. Loved the things as a couple, not as individuals. Mia wished they could just stay there and repeat whatever it was that made them fall in love.

But that love was not preceded by friendship, and it failed. More than once. Miserably. Happy endings, after all, only happen in Fairy Tales.

I can still remember every detail, and maybe self respect is overrated. Because its been three months and I'm still stuck in that moment when we just got too tired for kindness. I lost again but its going to be alright. I know that you're doing just fine without me.

Happy Birthday.

Sorta Fairytales 2 of 3

Short Film 2
The Height of Her Pre-Adolescence


It was one of the very rare lovely moments in grade school. Ida, being the young dyke that she was looked forward to ogling the beautiful girls in school. She had a different crush every month, all of which are conveniently stocked in her crush memory bank.

But there was a particular girl who changed Ida's type completely. This girl, whom we shall call, "Sandwich", became an epitome of Ida's prospective partners years later.

Sandwich is taaall, funny, gorgeous but surprisingly smart and sweet. Ida never understood how this beautiful girl grew up not having any idea of how attractive she is. She never understood why Sandwich never made it to the "Hotstuff" list in their school publication. "This girl is a scorcher, why the hell is she not in this?" All she knows is the fact that she was drawn to the charming dork.

Ida was happy to just stare at Sandwich in school (Sandwich, our subject) during lunch and recess. "Maybe I'll see her today in the cafeteria." She thought. She cannot escape how smitten she was by this girl who is two years her senior.

Ida couldn't believe her eyes when she found herself and Sandwich riding the same vehicle for days. She refused to let the heat and the ugliness of the rickety jeep ruin that moment. To her it was splendid. And there, she finally saw Sandwich's strong features up-close. But she restrained herself from acting weird because, hello, she was 10. And she knew that the nerd would never swing her way. They spoke a few times, and Sandwich pinched Ida's arms and hands because Ida was too chubby for her own good. It was an innocent thing she had for kids and Ida knew it. But it didn't matter. It was nothing but it still brings a smile to Ida's face each time she remembers her schoolgirl crush.



Short Film 3
"Shi" is Halal


Mornings are spent calling clients and coordinating schedules and most afternoons are spent doing field work. On several occasions though, Agee gets invited by her clients for short meetings so they can talk about features and the parameters of their company's advertising.

"I would really like to talk about this with you face-to-face. I want to see your previous works and how you advertise.", "But this exposure is completely free and--", "You see it's not about the cost, I want to know where I'm putting my restaurant, I'll be here 'till 10:00pm if you're available tonight.", "Okay, Ms. Shi. I'll be there around 7:00pm"

Agee, most of all, is NOT thrilled to hear about meetings after working hours, because these hours aren't paid for, but she wanted this project dealt with and so she went.

She would have regretted it so bad if she didn't go.

Exhausted from the day's work, she was already grumpy and hungry, but she arrived at the resto's location right on time. She patiently waited at the lobby. After five minutes, she saw an image descending from the staircase. Those long eyelashes batted slowly and a smile formed from her lips. Her long black hair swayed beautifully and Agee just froze.

"Hello Ms. Agee. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Shi---."
"Not a problem. I just got here." and I so want to hit on you right now.


Agee suddenly remembered an event that she attended with her Supervisor, Ranie. It's her, the Indian girl wearing an orange traditional dress during that event. I recall exchanging glances with her then, could she be...


"Let's move to this table so you can show me your works here." She said with a somewhat commanding tone.

The restaurant was empty. It was just Agee and Shi in the cozy dining area. And they sat. And for seconds they stared at each other. Shi broke the silence when she commanded Agee again to, "Please drink your tea." What the hell, dominatrix much?


Agee presented and Shi, as expected, was impressed by the sample works. Shi's fingertips ran through the prints smoothly, slightly touching Agee's hands which held the prints in place. "It's beautiful, I can see that its made by someone who really has an eye for design". Her stare, everytime she spoke was so intent and intense.

In between their dialogue, Agee couldn't help but text her queer-friendly Sup, Ranie, "RANNNIIIEEE! It's her! It's her! Indian girl from the event gaaaaaaaaah!"


"Oh wow! Are there any goodlooking Indian guys too?!"


"No, resto's empty tonight! But it's cool, feels like a date! Just me and her in this huge area!"


"Oh God Agee, be professional please?!"


"I am! I am! Dontchaworry, not a hint of desire on my face. *wink wink"

"Very well then, I guess we can do that photo shoot soon. How's next Tuesday?"
As though trying to run through her mental schedule, she subtly looked away, "I don't see any problem with that. Yes, that date should be perfect." as she looked back and smiled.

They wrapped things up and Agee said goodbye.

"I'll call you." Agee wished there was some sort of romantic intention in her calls. There was none. But whatever. Agee chose to be inspired.

Weeks passed and the project was over and done with. Agee got what she wanted. Shi called Agee as she promised.

"Hello Ms. Agee..."

"Yes Ms. Shi? How've you been?", Agee could tell it was her because of the thick but extremely adorable accent.

"I called to tell you, that I am leaving this post. I am quitting this job. Should you need anything, you can call this number *** ** **, He's -----, he will be replacing me."

"Okay Ms. Shi. Will do. Thank you."

"Thank you also. Have a good day. Goodbye."

Sorta Fairytales

It's 2am. Several countries in Asia are experiencing unimaginable trials because of the earthquake that hit Japan moments ago. I sympathize with them and I feel their fear. This is why I comfort myself with other ideas, because just like some people I know, I too, am paranoid.

Why do I go on writing about "sorta" fairy tales? I suppose I'm being selfish. Having also experienced my share of trials these past couple of months, I wish to hold on to sweeter thoughts. Hold on to very rare instances that somewhat still find their way in my head, repeating in slow motion. These are my short films, I am the cinematographer and I dictate the treatment of each frame.

Short film 1
In Her Silence

That barbecue stand in front of Eve's house is more than just savory isaws and sweet Fantas. Everyday Eve would buy a couple of isaws just to see her attractive neighbor. The ever-silent, smiley attractive neighbor who is slightly older than her, would give her chocolates, and very funny but decent letters; all written on scented legal sheets. And Eve's family also fell in love with this neighbor, by this time, neighbor gained the trust of everyone and was free to walk in and out of Eve's home. One beautiful afternoon, Eve woke up to find neighbor sitting beside her bed, watching TV, patiently waiting for her to wake up; so they may exchange letters again even if they are only inches apart. You see, neighbor remained silent, because she didn't have any other choice.



to be continued...

Only Me

In the name of a sweeter ending
please forget not my better memories with you
let this not be so abrupt
the coldness could put me into shock

For you are my first
and I vividly remember
you made me swear
for you to be my last

If you have learned
to loathe the very thought of me
be so kind
to not let me find out
the words from your lips
inflict pain so unbearable

And to you I've gone mad
Everything around me
triggers a red alert
forgive me
I grew up like this

This is nothing you've never seen
you laugh at my utter need for a backbone
you pity how pathetic I've become
but I thank you
for the days
just the days
you made ours

For what its worth
I will pretend
to be kind again
beautiful
the most beautiful girl you've ever seen

And maybe I could find
someone who'll see me again
the way you did
when we first shared that bottle of beer

Who will not push us further
over the edge
when things fall apart

Who will see me
as her lover
and not anything else

Everything
still seems to be a blur
and I am somewhat delusional
but maybe if I keep pretending
to be how I was
when our eyes first met
maybe I could find
the better of you

still longing for me.
only me.

Whatever Happened to...

...these ladies who used to be part of my pre-adolescent years.


1) Delores O'Riordan

Delores of Cranberries. Ah-yes. Is she a pixie-fairy? Is she dykie? I still can't make up my mind to this day. What's important is that I love her songs, or at least the first ones. Last I heard, she went solo. And most of the time, when they go solo, they go sell-out. I don't care. She's still one of my heroines.




2)

Melanie Chisholm

She used to have the cutest face among the Spice Girls. Sporty Spice, that's what they called her. I had the biggest crush on her. Then she started beefing up. Then she put more ink on her skin. Then she cut her hair and became too "boyish" for my taste. Then she became pregnant. I don't know what's next. Surprise me, Melanie C.





3)

Natasha Henstridge

White skin. Tall, slender, frame. Blue eyes. Blonde hair. She is the ultimate Caucasian bombshell. Diale, my bestfriend, will never forget Species. It's the first semi-soft-somewhat porn she laid her eyes upon.





4)
Cita Astals

What? Was that segue too intense for you?

Cita Astals, the actress-turned politician. She was one of the few Pinay actresses who had that air of sophistication. Educated and liberated, she was comfortable talking about sex on late-night TV. The former councilor was reportedly seen loitering around Manila. Tsk, tsk, tsk. What a waste. There's something about cougars even Stephen Hawking can't explain.





5)

Mariel Lopez


No Photo. Dammit. This girl used played the role of, "Angel" in TGIS and Growing up. It was the dawn of the
mixed races on TV. The half-german  Red Sternberg and err...Mariel--it was the dawn so there weren't much of them back then. Now, you've got Solenn Heussaff, her brother Erwan, that curly dude in ABS CBN, that raceboy turned actor. Anyway, rumors from the past claim that Mariel used to be the girlfriend of Karl Roy, the skinny rockstar dude. She had that innocent face. Tall, pale and sensual. The last time I saw her was during my college years. I was hanging-out with my friends in Glorietta when I saw her. Towering in her goth chic glory.

Empty Smile

While others were busy trying to survive against peer pressure, I was busy trying to keep my sanity. And what I get in return is this, just sheer emptiness, powerful enough to stop me from even forcing a smile. I am broken; it has gotten into me and I am clueless on when it is ever going to stop.

Adolescent a-holes made fun of me, and they don't even know how it happened. I tried to blend in--I laughed at myself and it is sick. Something I could never get back was lost, and what's worse is I am and will always be paying for it for the rest of my life. I pay for it in cash now, I used to in humiliation before. I don't know what I've done so wrong, why do I keep getting it constantly in waves I struggle to confront.

Still I take in everything that comes my way and no matter how damaged I seem, I fight it, with everything I've got or at least what's still left. I keep the faith, practice self-control and pray to the Almighty God for Him not  to abandon me. Let me be a good person so I may still fix this.

I hate the pretentious and I practice what I preach. The problem is, the truth can sometimes be so cruel. And when I think of it, the truth about myself, all I see is a tormented soul who is nearly beyond repair. A friend in college told me once that I inspire her. She's a good person down to the core and she sees me. She said that I've always been funny but it's okay to be sad sometimes, the escape that humor brings wears out overtime. I am forever grateful for meeting people like her, the kindness goes a long way. 

Maybe I am not really as sad as I think. Maybe I am just having a hormonal imbalance. I think I need a beer.