Whatever Happened to...

...these ladies who used to be part of my pre-adolescent years.


1) Delores O'Riordan

Delores of Cranberries. Ah-yes. Is she a pixie-fairy? Is she dykie? I still can't make up my mind to this day. What's important is that I love her songs, or at least the first ones. Last I heard, she went solo. And most of the time, when they go solo, they go sell-out. I don't care. She's still one of my heroines.




2)

Melanie Chisholm

She used to have the cutest face among the Spice Girls. Sporty Spice, that's what they called her. I had the biggest crush on her. Then she started beefing up. Then she put more ink on her skin. Then she cut her hair and became too "boyish" for my taste. Then she became pregnant. I don't know what's next. Surprise me, Melanie C.





3)

Natasha Henstridge

White skin. Tall, slender, frame. Blue eyes. Blonde hair. She is the ultimate Caucasian bombshell. Diale, my bestfriend, will never forget Species. It's the first semi-soft-somewhat porn she laid her eyes upon.





4)
Cita Astals

What? Was that segue too intense for you?

Cita Astals, the actress-turned politician. She was one of the few Pinay actresses who had that air of sophistication. Educated and liberated, she was comfortable talking about sex on late-night TV. The former councilor was reportedly seen loitering around Manila. Tsk, tsk, tsk. What a waste. There's something about cougars even Stephen Hawking can't explain.





5)

Mariel Lopez


No Photo. Dammit. This girl used played the role of, "Angel" in TGIS and Growing up. It was the dawn of the
mixed races on TV. The half-german  Red Sternberg and err...Mariel--it was the dawn so there weren't much of them back then. Now, you've got Solenn Heussaff, her brother Erwan, that curly dude in ABS CBN, that raceboy turned actor. Anyway, rumors from the past claim that Mariel used to be the girlfriend of Karl Roy, the skinny rockstar dude. She had that innocent face. Tall, pale and sensual. The last time I saw her was during my college years. I was hanging-out with my friends in Glorietta when I saw her. Towering in her goth chic glory.

Empty Smile

While others were busy trying to survive against peer pressure, I was busy trying to keep my sanity. And what I get in return is this, just sheer emptiness, powerful enough to stop me from even forcing a smile. I am broken; it has gotten into me and I am clueless on when it is ever going to stop.

Adolescent a-holes made fun of me, and they don't even know how it happened. I tried to blend in--I laughed at myself and it is sick. Something I could never get back was lost, and what's worse is I am and will always be paying for it for the rest of my life. I pay for it in cash now, I used to in humiliation before. I don't know what I've done so wrong, why do I keep getting it constantly in waves I struggle to confront.

Still I take in everything that comes my way and no matter how damaged I seem, I fight it, with everything I've got or at least what's still left. I keep the faith, practice self-control and pray to the Almighty God for Him not  to abandon me. Let me be a good person so I may still fix this.

I hate the pretentious and I practice what I preach. The problem is, the truth can sometimes be so cruel. And when I think of it, the truth about myself, all I see is a tormented soul who is nearly beyond repair. A friend in college told me once that I inspire her. She's a good person down to the core and she sees me. She said that I've always been funny but it's okay to be sad sometimes, the escape that humor brings wears out overtime. I am forever grateful for meeting people like her, the kindness goes a long way. 

Maybe I am not really as sad as I think. Maybe I am just having a hormonal imbalance. I think I need a beer.